Macao Day 2: I Have it on Good Authority That There are no Ghosts in My Apartment

 NOTE: This post originally dates from August 15th but due to Macao being in China and logistical realities being what they are...I was not able to post this entry then. Better late than never...

            It wasn't that I didn't appreciate the advice, it was that it was given at all--that it felt necessary to the author--that worried me;

No matter what anyone tells you, there are no ghosts in the apartment.

            When I read this, I looked up from the letter and started looking around in sudden and powerful paranoia. Is that creaking noise in the corner them? What about that pulsing noise? ...Probably the Air Conditioning...or it's the 1,000 years-old Chinese ghost that will steal my penis in the middle of the night for his soup!!!...The letter started off so optimistic too;

Congratulations! You have finally made it to Macau [sic] and are about to embark on a year of excitement and intrigue

             I was standing in my new apartment in Macao which I entered for the first time. My predecessor in this teaching position, a Fulbright Grantee, left me a letter to introduce me to the apartment and Macao. Generally speaking, it was a useful and considerate letter that soothed me after having spent 14 hours travelling and having arrived in a foreign place. "First off, I left you some things." The things he left me were awesome! A water boiler for tea and oatmeal (super useful!), a bunch of books on China and travelling guides (score!), DVDs and the best part: "I left you a cell phone...all you need to do is buy a SIM card". With this one act he saved me $50 and a long walk.

                   The advice he gave me was considerate and quite useful, yet honest.  For example: "The bed is clean at least from me. I always used a mattress pad and those weird stains were from someone else (the only reason I am telling you this was because I was so grossed out by them that I did not sleep in it for a month after I arrived)." I later found the mattress he was talking about and it was fine but there was a spare in the next room that looked like it was used in a snuff film.

         "There are some gifts in the freezer, I didn't think it would be civilized to pour them out." I walked to the fridge opened the door to the freezer and sure enough: Hooch!!! I <3 this guy!

         Filled with the effluvium of human kindness I returned to the letter sipping on vodka and that's when the advice took an odd turn: "No matter what anyone tells you, there are no ghosts in the apartment. I never saw one or heard one. When you are here alone the first couple of weeks you may think you hear one, but trust me it is just an old building (at least that is what I told myself!). One of the GA's [Graduate Assistants'] grandfather is buried outside and she says he protects this apartment." This is about the time I looked out the window and realized that the cool looking park outside my window is actually a Chinese cemetery. I also was a bit leery about the prospect of a Chinese ghost "protecting" me, how does that even work anyway? Is this like prison? Is his "protection" free? I hope he likes cigarettes, because that's all I'm willing to give...

        Anyway wherever you are, Guy-who-wrote-the-letter (not going to use his name); thanks! I appreciate the help and the generosity. Now to gulp down the "gifts" you left me and sleep in the bathtub with my sports cup glued into place--so that the ghosts cannot get me ;P

Macao-Wabunga!!!

Carlosh